A: I was not aware. It had previously been to my understanding I was a sticker on a Happy Days lunch box. I am a 23 year old ugly short heterosexual who gets no sex.
Question: Are you feeling well today?
A: Fabulous, thank you for your concern on my well being. However, let it be known I see though you attempt at befriendment and still hate you.
Question: Do you type fast?
A: I wear cybernetic fingers as typing with hooves produces the following key mashing: erhglkaj u ty 87klt, jrehrg ali4u tla i
Question: Will I get laid tonight?
A: of course not...you aren't me.
Question: Are you gay?
A: No. If I were....my answer would then be yes.
Question: Are you actually a homo stuck in a goat's body?
A: No. As always....trapped in my body is vital fluids and moving parts that help me to be the goat I am today.
Question: Are you in love with yourself in a hermaphitidish way?
A: ......yes?
Question: Do you like me?
A: no
Question: Have you ever dressed up like a school girl and got your ass spanked?
A: Yes.
Question: Is matt an idiot?
Matt is Ttam spelled backwards.
Question: Is Bruce an idiot?
A: Bruce once worked for a tea cup designer in Columbia. He is an icon amongt white bunnies world wide.
Question: I am scared of the dark? what to do?
A: get married....there are much scarier things in the light of day.
Question: Is pollution the reason your hair is so fuzzy?
A: No...your hair is fuzzy because your god hates you and wanted to punish you for being.
Question: Is the sky blue?
A: No, your mom is a liar.
Question: Do ya wanna sleep with me tonight?
A: ok
Question: Will u sleep with me?
A: ....yes bring toys.
Question: oh please, will you sleep with me?
A: after dinner and a movie.
Question: r u going to stop calling me a guy?
A: yes...I apologize. I now dub you insect.
Question: am I female?
A: you call those breasts?
Question: does God exist?
A: no...you go to church to put your hard ernings in a plate and they buy themselves neat things. It makes you feel good inside I think.
Question: do you think being pregnant is cool?
A: Great weekend event...yes.
Question: Will I be pregnant?
A: You are trash...so in following the theory I've composed...it is unavoidable that you breed.
Question: can't I ever get a good job
A: no...your purpose is (see above)
Question: will i ever get a decent haircut?
A: I will always hate your hair cut. Shave your head , do us all a favor.
Question: I need a goat... where can i find one?
A: Look to your immediat left...if you can't see him your sane ...and thats not my problem.
Question: Where are my petunias?
A: third drawer on the right.
Question: I can't find my shoe
A: you never had it to begin with. You are poor and wear leaves on your feet.
Question: Is there really a Santa Claus?
A: Yes. But thats all I am at liberty to say.
Question: Why does the author's butt go swish swish swish when he walks?
A: Rare disease....buttishwishtis commonly found in small mammals and crustations.
Question: is there life on other planets
A: If that fat head of yours is considered a planet..then yes. The inhabitants (the liceanians) are quite happy on planet HeadnShoulders.
Question: if there was a hole that went strait through the earth and someone fell into it would the person ever stop falling?
A: ask the guy who fell.
Question: am I over 16?
A: I hope so.
Question: Will Nick ask me out?
A: Who cares...the question you need to start preoccupying your time with is ..Will Goat ask me out?...then obsess on it until the point of insanity.
Question: will diego fall in love with armando?
A: If this has anything to do with a soap opera ...consider your tires already slashed for even contemplating asking me that question.
Question: do you answer all questions?
A: no comment.
Question: Will Nick call again?
A: He has better things to do. Infact he hates you. I hate you to. Pretend you're invisible and run through the east end naked wearring only a pink sock.
Question: Will I hook up with joe at the party?
A: I believe the answer to this was in last week's episode of 90210
Question: will Jordan and Taryn break up this week?
A: I vote yes. But only because the thought of those two in emotional pain makes me giggle.
Question: do you have a master?
A: claim me.
Question: will Paul ask me out in september?
A: We've discussed this already and have decided on May 18th of 2006.
Question: Could i possibly be a lesbian?
A: Could I possibly give a rat shit what you could or could not possibly be?
Question: Are my feet too small?
A: Yes..you're a gimp and people point and laugh at you behind your back.
Question: Does Sandra Bullock really like the NastyGoat?
A: finally...an intelligent question. Yes....i think....I hope.....maybe...no =(
Question: Is html a cute hunk?
A: No...horrid thing he is...foul and from the depts of hell spawned the mother that gave birth to his ugly self.
Question: are you psychic?
A: yes
Question: to be or not to be
A: none of the above.
Question: am I nuts?
A: no...its normal to hear those people when you sleep.
Question: do you hate me?
A: yes. why was there doubt?
Question: are you baked?
A: fried...slowly cripsed around the edge to a golden brown and lighty sprinkled with bazel. Serve chilled. (4-8 servings)
Question: what would he say?
A: He said no, ask him later.Dave has to work late and might not be able to make it either.
Question: are ya lying?
A: sitting.
Question: really?
A: honnest.
Question: should I?
A: twice a day if possible.
Question: WILL STEVE SLEEP WITH ME???
A: I can only pray for his sake he will not.
Question: will steve come to my window?
A: yes. Right after he sells the porche to Jason Priestly.
Question: Will Stacie play guitar as a living?
A: ..yes...in a trailer. Then after struggling, she'll make it big and change her name to Gem.
Question: Do u think Stacie, Heather and Cynthia are the most beautiful WOMEN in the world??!?!?!?!
A: JESUS YES!
Question: will matt and i go out for more than a year?
A: ...you should likely ask him that.
Question: Will matt and i go out for a long time?
A: I hope not...Goat needs petting.
Question: Will matt ever date me?
A: Matt thinks you smell bad and twitches when you are near.
Question: Will matt love me ?
A: He'll say he does to get you in the sack.
Question: will i work 2morow?
A: When god created man and woman..they were free of work until that dumb bitch ate the apple....so yes, tommorrow you will infact work...woman's fault.
Question: Do looks matter?
A: 100%...ugly people get no sex.
Question: Has Michael's brother gotten laid in the past day?
A: Michael's brother is at the moment eating glue with your uncle. No plans on getting laid have yet been established. Will keep you informed.
Question: Does Michael's brother have herpes?
A: Did he sit on cold cement?
Question: Is Mike really hot?
A: no.
Question: Does I suffer from penis envy?
A: you suffer from Goat envy...do not confuse the two.
Question: do you think that everyone will actually listen to you?
A: when I am crown king of toast and jam you'll all listen dammit!!
Question: do you tell the truth?
A: do you want me to?
Question: will I get my fraggin job at Wal-mart?
A: Yes...after 3 years of training, you'll graduate as service clerk then kill yourself shortly after you 93rd birthday of depression.
Question: will I get my job at wal-mart?
A: Ask me again...maybe I'll change my answer....moron.
Question: are you really a nastygoat?
A: ok
Question: do i swallow?
A: sex./age/location?
Question: im i a ho?
A: HoOkD onN Fonnix Werkd 4 meE.
Question: is this seriously messed up?
A: Ya??? YOU'RE STUPID!
Question: ih na ee go tupid
A: Yes.
Question: ih Kit Mye tupid
A: Correct again my literate friend.
Question: ih Kit Mye smar
A: I think i hate you more then hate allows.
Question: Do you suck, nasty goat?
A: Only prosthetics.
Question: Will we ever get to do anything tonight!
A: No...your life sucks. You will always hang on the hope of maybe it getting better..but don't fool yourself.. You're a shit head.
Question: Does Jeff like me?
A: Probably...most breathing mamals are in his targets.
Question: What is your name?
A:NastyGoat ...another 2 seconds of thought and you may have answered that by yourself.
Question: What is your quest?
A: ...Groly Hail
Question: WHAT... is your favorite color?
A: Nasty ass green
Question: What is the air speed velocity of an unladen swallow? (African)
A: (((N/14)*2^1)+13.875) -1 ..duh
Question: Where do broken hearts go?
A: Once broken..the hearts are collected and shipped to a recycling plant where they're made into sweety cakes and called "Monogluctiumsodomaniluimine" on the ingredients panel.
Question: Who's your baby daddy?
A: Dunno...I left him at someone's doorstep..hope he's well.
Question: Have you ever heard the wulfcry69 to the blue corn moon?
A: Yes....I have there tribute album.
Question: Livers?
A: no.
Question: Which?
A: St John was a gambling man.
Question: How many?
A: 29
Question: If you were a kitchen utensil, which one would you be?
A: To this I answer in binary:
1101001011101001010101010010101001
1010010110010101010100101010101001
1010110010100101010101010100101001
but you probably knew that didn't you.
Question: Where is the bathroom?
A: down the hall and to the left..
Question: If a tree fell in the woods and there was no one to hear it, would it
A: would it fall? You fucked up the question you moron....i refuse to answer the question of a HooKed onN FoNiX flunkee.
Question: make a sound?
A: k.
Question: Spoo?
A: Shiboo
Question: Wherefore art thou, Romeo?
A: down the hall to the left.
Question: What light through yonder window breaks?
A: harketh it be-eth a light-eth ...ask not silly questions Jack-asseth.
Question: Is there life after death?
A: Nope..we're all fucked.
Question: Is there death after life?
A: there is death during life dip shit.
Question: What's the difference?
A: 3
Question: Why are we here?
A: to die and ask stupid questions.
Question: What's life all about?
A: see page 156 of "What's Life All About" by NastyGoat
Question: Is life really real, or is there some doubt?
A: its not real...prove me wrong.
Question: Exactly WHY DID the chicken cross the road?
A: solely to confuse you my friend.
Question: One lump or two?
A: haven't checked.
Question: How are you?
A: medium rare..crispy on the outside. Garnished with a light parsley.
Question: Doobie doobie doobie doo?
A: Ok... meet you there.
Question: What's that noise?
A: Yes.
Question: What smells?
A: question #28
Question: What crawled up inside you and died?
A: An Emu.
Question: What's the date?
A: in what culture?
Question: What time is it?
A: time to answer #31
Question: Why is there no number 32?
A: whats 32?.
Question: Why does it matter?
A: It "matters" because it's adjoined with antimatter thus creating a tangeable matter negotiable by the human mind.
Question: What's the meaning of life?
A: you'll die soon
Question: What's the meaning of lice?
A: you'll loose friends soon
Question: What's the meaning of lime?
A: HAHAHA LIME FUNNY IN SPRITE COMMERCIAL HAHAHA
Question: What's the big deal?
A: 50% off all mens wear in aisle 6
Question: You talkin' to me? Say, you talkin' to me?
A: no ...and should i by mishap find myself talking to you...may i be struck down by a ....something real bad.
Question: Are we there yet?
A: next intersection
Question: Moo?
A: sorry no.
Question: Do you find this question to be redundant?
A: no
Question: Do you find this question to be redundant?
A: sorry what?
Question: How about now?
A: try again later....this is a recording.
Question: Do you find THIS question to be redundant?
A: no
Question: If you were an animal, what animal would you be and why?
A: a pig. cuase that would be so funny for people to say "hey pig!" and i would oink oink oink and skip and hop over and bite their friggin balls off cause they called me a pig hahahaha
Gurgle gurgle gurgle?
A: both hands on the keyboard please.
Question: Mi shawn tao?
A: Mi NastyGoat
Question: Is one life too many?
A: in your case...yes.
Question: How much IS enough?
A: { } thats about good.
Question: How do you know when to stop?
A: ...
Question: Where does my heart beat now?
A: One time a duck and a rabai walked into a bar and the bartender said "hey! Look! Its a goddamned duck!! A DAMNED DUCK!!!! JESUS CHRIST!!! A GODDAMNED DUCK!"
Question: How many licks does it take to get to the tootsie roll center of a tootsie pop?
A: ask the freaking owl.
Question: Does anyone actually GIVE a damn?
A: the owl does.
Question: Do you eat with your toes?
A: no....I have my toes before my meals.
Question: Do you have convulsions at 5:32 in the afternoon?
A: i'll start timing and get back to you.
Question: Does beef come in a can?
A: always..they mold cows from it.
Question: Do you beilive in Alien/Goat hybrids
A: no...but they believe in me.
Question: will I have cyber sex with Zeromus-X?
A: stick your woo woo in drive A and press any key to continue
Question: will I have sex with JohnLi?
A: see above.
Question: will I have sex with will wade?
A: You people have issues.
Question: Does Will love me?
A: no. infact he holds with him a deep hatred and want for the burning of your corpse. But i'm sure you can still be friends.
Question: will I get some cookies?!?!?!?!
A: **shakes magic eightball** The outcome looks good.
Question: will I have cyber sex with JohnLi?
A: ...die
Question: Will I have sex tomorrow?
A: I'm thinking bus....hitting....someone...
Question: Will I marry Lacey Nicole Chabert
A: I might let you... ask me later.
Question; Will Eric Flegell ever stop playing with himself?
A: likely not. But let's just pretend he is being a silly clown trying to take a wild beaver out of his pajamas. HAHAHAHA wouldn't that me funny????
Question: Does beef come in a bottle?
A: Beff is box only.
Question: Why does Dr. Pepper come in a bottle?
A: They grow it like that.
Question: Does it all come back to you?
A: Only if you're nice to it.
Question: Does it leave you?
A: Perhaps.
Question: Will you ever see him again?
A: Hope not... he's an asshole...... who?
Question: Who?
A: Jim Hornick
Question: When?
A: January 13th, 1934
Question: Where?
A: Fort Knox
Question: What?
A: Large slab of cream cheese.
Question: Booblemashers?
A: Hogendoogin
Question: Do you like it?
A: Prefer the diet version but it's not bad.
Question: Why?
A: because.
Question: Why not?
A: 438756928374659
Question: Is it only because I said so?
A: likely not. Not much you say is heard or reacted to.
Question: Bing tiddle tiddle tiddle bang bang boom?
A: Rikkity rikkity tiki tikie beeeeeeet heeeed
Question: --..-- --.- -.---..--
A: .--...--..-....--.-.--.---.-..-.--.-...---...-.-
-.-...-.-.-.-.---..--..--.---.---....--.-....-.----.-.-
.-.-.-..---.-.
Love Goat
Question: What's the square root of pi?
A: What flavour pi?
Question: Does she like pictures?
A: of herself
Question: Can you?
A: 5 times in a row.
Question: Really?
A: swear to Bhudda
Question: How are you?
A: eat shit.
Question: Who are you?
A: a goat of mystic powers beyond human comprehension.
Question: WHAT are you?
A: your mother.
Question: Will these questions ever stop?
A: Nope, but it may slow.
Question: Will it just continue into the end of time?
A: no... time ends before these questions will.
Question: ??
A: !
Question: Can you actually ANSWER that last question?
A: !
Question: I bet you can't answer this one.
A: !
Question: How can you answer something that is not a question?
A: Question it.
Question: Is it possible?
A: Anything is possible for the goat. But not for you because you are lame and lack basic motor skills of the average human. That's why people point and laugh at you.
Question: ALKSDFLKJAEWRTIOUYAVPIUODSFOKJHADSOFUCHGAPUHFOANVCIUGHREWAFNGDTF?
A: I think so... I'll ask mom tonight.
Question: Fornicate?
A: eradicate
Question: What year was the war of 1812?
A: 29 B.C. (little known fact)
Question: How now, brown cow?
A: What then white hen?
Question: What do you want to be when you grow up?
A: And old lady with huge boobies that I can wrap around my own neck as a scarf.
Question: Verginia, there is no Santa. How do you feel?
A: Violated daddy.
Question: SAY MY NAME!
A: I will not degrade myself to that extent.
Question: If train A left Station 22 at 3:30 at 68 miles an hour and train B left Station 12 at 2:50 at 79 miles an hour, and each station is twenty-five miles apart, what color is the smoke?
A: hmm... lemme see... 22-330+68*12/250+79 right? Therefore, the color code for the smoke is 65.32.59
Question: How many times have I told you not to do that?
A: 14
Question: IF billy jumped off a cliff, would you do it too?
A: Would you laugh?
Question: Is this the last question?
A: no.
Question: Will natasha go out with me?
A: she's busy
she has to wash her hair.
relatives are visiting.
needs to walk her dog